Here's an absolute disaster story from start to finish.
I bought The Chandlers on Colsoul from the States, it cost about £215 I think, I thought I could make £100 profit on it...anyway, the bloke I bought it off put the value on it at $300, so our lovely customs officers charged me £54 tax.
Anyway they don't bother delivering these, you have to ring them up to arrange a later delivery or a pick up. The parcelforce office is in Atcham just outside Shrewsbury which is about 25 miles away from me, but I thought it might be a nice ride out, and I could pick up a couple of italian job deep pan pizzas from telford (the only place they do them round here) on the way.
So it starts snowing just as I set off.
I decide to get petrol and cash at the same time so I don't bother going to the only service station on the way, and I get into Telford, park outside Deep pan Pizza and go off to order. Deep pan Pizza doesn't open for another 3 hours.
So then I get back on the motorway and take the turn of for Atcham. I go 5 miles past the business park where I am meant to go, and end up in Shewsbury. I turn round and eventually find the place, hand over the money and take my record.
By now it is pouring down with rain and sleet.
I get on the motorway where I got off, and travel around 500 yards before the engine cuts out and I run out of petrol.
So I have to leave the warning indicators flashing, and attempt to climb 30 feet up this grassy bank, in the pouring rain, and I don't have a coat, just a jumper.
After about 10 minutes of one step forward to steps back comedy climbing, I get to the top of the bank, and there is a fance about 5 foot high with barbred wire on the top. Beyond that is a field, and a road. So I manage to get on top of the fence, get my balance, and leap off into the field, landing brilliantly flat footed in the mud and letting out a high pitched scream of pain.
I make it to the road and find a yokel, he says there's a garage about a mile down the road, so I run all the way to the garage.
Why didn't I phone for help I hear you say? Because my phone had run out of credit and I could not work out how to dial up and get more!
I bought an empty petrol can and filled it up, and some kind soul overheard my plight, and asked me where I'd broken down. By the bridge I said. I meant a footbridge. he took me 2 miles back down the wrong way to the motorway bridge. I had to tell him we'd gone in the wrong direction, and after he dropped me off, he had to go miles out of his way to get off the motorway!
OK so far so bad. I poured the petrol into the tank, and spilled half of it on me, so when I finally got home, I put all my clothes in the wash and that included my favourite pair of shoes which are Vans, I had them imported as they stopped making that style about 5 years back. When the washing was done, the rubber soles were intact but the canvas had shrunk about 2 sizes so to get them on I would have had to cut my toes off.
By now I was feeling a strange pain in my ankle.
Finally I got to open up the package and get my hands on the Chandlers record. It was fucked. I saw straight away I was going to lose money on it.
As the last few days have progressed, my ankle has got bigger and bigger to the point where I went to the doctors yesterday to report that I had contracted elephantisis in one leg. She said I'd sprained my ankle.
Today I sold the Chandlers for £200, losing nearly £70 on the deal.
I heard it tell me to piss off as I posted it.
I sit here, a lone, hobbledyhoy figure, unable to get down the stairs because my ankle hurts so much...and it's all down to those damn Chandlers :angry: :angry: :angry: