If I had of been Frank Elson, the world would have been a better place.
For a start I wouldn't have written negative, disparaging comments about the northern scene whilst bigging up the jazz-funk scene. I'd have written more balanced articles like this one on the history of jazz.....
Jazz was a revolutionary new kind of music. Monopolised at first by people with stupid names - there was Dizzy Gillespie, Falling Down Gillespie, Totally Paralytic Gillespie & Bix Beiderbecke.
The Gillespie clan's great rivals were the Mortons. Notorious among them were Jelly Roll Morton, Marmalade Roll Morton, Jam Sandwich Morton, Hostess Cup Cake Morton and Spotty Dick Morton (later known as Figgy Duff Morton after his sucessful stay at Lulsgate Hospital).
All this feuding came to a sudden end in 1928 when jazz was over taken by the aristocracy. it was now the property of Duke Ellington,Count Basie, Earl Mountbatten, Lord Longford and Kaiser Wilhelm.
Not bad eh?