pie disco demand

Grey-ham Ginster "The Modified Meat with the Lightning Feet"
(by Soulsauce food correspondent Melvin Brat)
Controversy reigned at the final 'heats' of the PIE DISCO DEMAND Dancing Contest last night after a genetically modified comestible took a huge bite out of the competition.
There were gasps and cheers from astonished onlookers as a 70 year-old meat and potato hybrid took to the floor, cooking up a storm to the 12" version of Brainstorm's "Fillin' Is Really My Game" - played at 78 rpm!
In a routine bubbling over with enthusiasm Grey-ham Ginster, originally from Melton Mowbray, unleashed a dazzling display of fancy footwork to outmaneuver his dancefloor rivals and take first prize. Grey-ham claims to have honed his dancing skills on the Wigan Casino dancefloor back in the late 1970s.
However, as the multi-legged former foodstuff micro-waved to his ecstatic fans, a disgruntled vegetarian competitor - clearly miffed by being beaten into second place by a meat and potato pie - claimed Grey-ham should have been disqualified;
"It's political correctness gone mad" grumbled Lukeatya Lettuce from Cheltenham, "Edible foodstuffs... especially mouldy old pies with eight legs... should never be allowed to compete in dance competitions in this day and age. I mean, it's unnatural... and it's hardly hygenic is it? He should be home in bed - he's well past his sell-by-date! Where's the Health and Safety Executive when you really need them?"
A young spokesman for the Burnley contingent commented;
"We reckon that soddin' Ginster's bin genetically mod-ified n' stuff, an' e's prob'ly on sum kinda' steroids ta' boot. Nobody 'is age cud shift like that fa' sev'rul hours wivout bein' on sum sorta 'dance-enhancin' substances, innit?"
Proudly sporting his commemorative rosette, the mouldy morsel from Melton strenuously denied allegations of being a fully paid up member of the "Cheatin' Kind". "They're just jealous" Grey-ham steamed indignantly "I suppose havin' six extra legs helped a little bit, but that's just natural evolution. I can't help the way I am. Pies don't do illicit additives n' stuff anyway - we can't afford to get fingered by the Food Standards Agency after all...!"
Grey-ham was awarded two Goldmine Northern Soul CDs and an all expenses paid trip to the Bahamas with SAGA.