An Apology To Keith The Tee Shirt Man

[Simon T]

Yes , but where's the foetus going to gestate in a (record) box?

[Simsy]

Yes , but where's the foetus going to gestate in a (record) box?

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ner ner ner ner SOUL POLICE - "Your fackin nicked me old mate"

[Supercorsa]

Tears in my eyes.  How does one qualify as a Northern Soul Veteran?  Will there be T shirts?

There have been some disgracefull scenes in clubs over the years that should result in bans, for instance the couple caught by the bouncer in the toilets at The Dome indulging in oral sex - I mean, did she really kneel on that filthy floor?  Or did he? Some people taking illegal narcotic substances.    Drunks.  Smokers.  People eating cake.  Ban them all. 

Oh, and people who want newies.  And the ones who want oldies.  And people who want Modern.  And anyone who is such a snob they think it should be original vinyl only.  Anyone owning a bootleg.  Anyone with a funny accent too.  Hanging is too good for them.

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Stuart, what about people who request you play Billy Butlers - Right Track?

[Guest]

Thank you for taking the time to read this page.

Last Friday night a small Northern Soul Night was held at the 0h Dear in St Ivor Problem. Although it was a small event, every precaution was taken to ensure that anybody who came was thoroughly vetted, and free from any kind of humour or enjoyment. Unfortunately we have to admit we failed and as a consequence it falls to ourselves to offer an apology for this failure.

You might agree or you might not agree, but we have mixed feelings about Northern Soul web sites. I have a very small tool from an event promotion and event location point of view. On the other hand, forums on some of these sites seem to be increasingly frequented by a selection of very sad individuals like myself. Us individuals are easy to spot as we usualy have big phantom record collections, big mouths, very little experince of the Northern Soul Scene, and absolutely no respect for anything or anybody.We were visited by one of the "others" on Friday night, and it is the comments this person has made, related to the Oh Dear on this web site, that has made it necessary for us to tender an apology.I mean the said fellow even had the audacity to have a good time!

If you have the time, we would ask you to visit another page, which is listed in the Events Forum, entitled Oh Dear St Ivor Problem, authored by a Vic Reeves. Within this learned document you will see mention of an OLDISH GUY who spoke with a REAL DEEP NORTHERN ACCENT and who PUT FLYERS OUT ALL NIGHT. According to Vic Reeves, he was WELL FUNNY. The oldish guy refered to is of course Keith The White Van Man.

We regard these remarks, and the interpretation of the accent, as insulting and completely unacceptable.

Keith and his wife have helped more people up and down the country than most of us would care to admit. In our opinion, and many others judging from the number of phone calls we have recieved, Keith and his wife are entitled to respect and should not be a target for any kind of abuse. They are the salt of the earth and an integeral part of the social history of the Northern Soul Scene in the UK.

Consequently, we offer our sincere apologies to Keith and his wife, firstly for allowing the big mouthed Vic Reeves into our event and secondly for the appalling comments he has been allowed to make on this web site.

Vic Reeves, who ever you are, your BANNED from any future events at the 0h Dear St Ivor Problem.

It is a very short step from targeting and ridiculing accents and mannerisms to outright prejudice related to race,colour and gender. We hope that other event organisers will be on the look out for the undesirables who are attempting to become part of the Northern Soul Scene in the UK.

Finally we would like to thank Soul@Hitchen.F.C for there help in isolating the individual who has caused so much distress.

Thank you once again for taking the time to read this page.

Have a very good time, Out On The Floor this weekend.

Denis Thatcher and Sophia Loren.

[Guest Stuart T]

Stuart, what about people who request you play Billy Butlers - Right Track? 

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Good point, them too.

[Simsy]

I'm Keith & so is my wife!

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I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Sheffield called Biggus Viccus.

[Andyf]

Stuart, what about people who request you play Billy Butlers - Right Track? 

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Good point, them too.

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[Guest Stuart T]

       

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With a memory like mine I can't remember who they are though

Have you made any new beer discoveries at the brewery today Professor?

[Guest Brian J]

Brian: Are you the Northern Soul People's Front?

Reg: f*** off!

Brian: What?

Reg: Northern Soul People's Front? We're the People's Front of Northern Soul. Northern Soul People's front? Gah!

Francis: Wankers.

Brian: Can I join your group?

Reg: No. Piss off.

Brian: I didn't want to listen to this northern soul. It's only a job. I hate northern soul as much as anybody.

PFNS [nervously]: Sssh! Ssssh, sssh, sssh, ssssh.

Judith: Are you sure?

Brian: Oh, dead sure...I hate all of it already.

Reg: Listen. If you really wanted to join the PFNS, you'd have to really hate northern.

Brian: I do.

Reg: Oh yeah? How much? 

Brian: A lot!

Reg: Right. You're in. Listen. The only thing we hate more than northern soul is the fucking Northern Soul People's Front.

PFNS: Yeah!

Judith [disgusted]: Splitters!

Francis: And the Northern Soul Popular Peoples Front.

PFNS: Oh yeah. Splitters!

Loretta: And the Peoples Front of Northern Soul.

PFNS: Splitters!

Reg: What?

Loretta: The Peoples Front of Northern Soul. Splitters!

Reg: We're the Peoples Front of Northern Soul.

Loretta: Oh. I thought we were the Popular Front.

Reg: Peoples Front! [scoffs]

Francis: Whatever happened to the Popular Front, Reg? 

Reg: He's over there.

[A single old man sits on a lower seat.]

PFNS [To the old man]: SPLITTER!

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I just wanted to make it quite clear that I was made to quit the PFNS when they found an LP of TV Themes with Hawaii 50 on it in my collection.