Record Dealers, Don't You Just Love Em

[Guest Dan]

another stab at an old favourite after a morning spent on ebay and dealer websites laughing at their sheer cheek

What they say What they mean

Monster tune from back in the day (pop crap, credibility added by use of the phrase 'back in the day')

Great blue-eyed favourite from Wigan (white pop crap)

Left-field production, so right for today's dancefloor (up-tempo, white garage crap from South Carolina)

Massive on the mod scene (weird crap for odd dancers with strange hair)

Funky, just right for today's scene (disco crap)

Monster early Mecca tune (more disco crap)

Uptempo crossover mover (yet more disco crap. God, how many new ways can I find to describe this?)

You won't find a cleaner copy (you won't find a cleaner copy on my website. Not today, anyway).

One of her hardest to locate (I've just found half a dozen in Oxfam)

Monster tune from the days of Stafford (was this ever played anywhere? I can't remember)

Big inst version from back in the day (not quite as good as Joe 90)

Oh so soulful, will make you weep (when you play it and think what you could have spent the money on)

Getting plays, get it now before the price goes up (I've got thousands of these)

Great double-sider - two classic northern sides for the price of one (I've got thousands of these, as well)

Mint, slight storage warp (I've been eating crisps out of it)

Only VG, but plays great (sounds like someone has rubbed iron filings into it)

Dance floor winner (let's face it, you'll dance to anything when you're pissed)

Very few collectors own this one (I know, because I've broken into 25,000 bedrooms and gone through the collections)

In the right DJ's hands this will be a monster (ie the bloke who does the annual deaf club outings)

Edited September 29, 2005 by Dan

[Citizen P]

Bloody Hell.

I've bought all mine from him

Tony

[Guest]

another stab at an old favourite after a morning spent on ebay and dealer websites laughing at their sheer cheek

Come on Dan you've forgotten that old favourite.

Slight scuff marks - No problem for DJing ( absolutely fcuked, you've been warned !)

[tone5446]

"So right for today's scene" - used to be sold as a ballad

[Guest]

"So right for today's scene" - used to be sold as a ballad

My pet hate is "Crossover" - now used to describe all 70s records it seems - term seems to increase value of record by a factor of 10. :angry:

Derek

[Simon T]

My pet hate is "Crossover" - now used to describe all 70s records it seems - term seems to increase value of record by a factor of 10. :angry:

Derek

Crossover describes 70's stuff that was too slow to dance to, when we could dance, but not it!

[Guest Andy BB]

My pet hate used to be "Gritty RnB" which generally means it was made in a shed by someone who couldn't sing.

But thanks to point 4 my new pet hate is Dan

[Guest ShaneH]

what about the annoying buyers?

"seen these on ebay for half that price"

"bought mine for only £3...cant believe its £50 now!"

"used to be in soul packs that mate"

"looks like a boot to me"

"keep me that at the back of your box....i will be back later"

"would you take a tenner (£30 record!)"

"is it ok if i look at this record then put it back in someone elses sales box?"

"you dont mind me looking at your records, taking them out and then puttin them back in your box upside down and back to front do ya?"

Shane

[Guest Dan]

My pet hate used to be "Gritty RnB" which generally means it was made in a shed by someone who couldn't sing.

But thanks to point 4 my new pet hate is Dan

sorry andy

used to have funny hair myself

back when i had hair

what about the annoying buyers?

"seen these on ebay for half that price"

"bought mine for only £3...cant believe its £50 now!"

"used to be in soul packs that mate"

"looks like a boot to me"

"keep me that at the back of your box....i will be back later"

"would you take a tenner (£30 record!)"

"is it ok if i look at this record then put it back in someone elses sales box?"

"you dont mind me looking at your records, taking them out and then puttin them back in your box upside down and back to front do ya?"

Shane

guilty your honour

Edited September 30, 2005 by Dan

[Guest ShaneH]

another annoyance from buyers/browsers....

...when they look thru your box whilst spilling a pint and dropping fag ash onto your records.

anyone who has stood behind a sales box will have experienced this.

Shane

ps. dont you just hate buyers & sellers

[Guest Dan]

another annoyance from buyers/browsers....

...when they look thru your box whilst spilling a pint and dropping fag ash onto your records.

anyone who has stood behind a sales box will have experienced this.

Shane

ps. dont you just hate buyers & sellers

my mate dave used to deliberately wind pete lawson up by asking him to reserve things in his box and never going back

eventually pete smacked him in the face in the 100 Club bogs

he stopped doing it after that

[Guest ShaneH]

my mate dave used to deliberately wind pete lawson up by asking him to reserve things in his box and never going back

eventually pete smacked him in the face in the 100 Club bogs

he stopped doing it after that

bloody hell

i aint been that mad but close i tell ya.

shane

[Guest Richard Bergman]

another stab at an old favourite after a morning spent on ebay and dealer websites laughing at their sheer cheek

What they say What they mean

Monster tune from back in the day (pop crap, credibility added by use of the phrase 'back in the day')

Great blue-eyed favourite from Wigan (white pop crap)

Left-field production, so right for today's dancefloor (up-tempo, white garage crap from South Carolina)

Massive on the mod scene (weird crap for odd dancers with strange hair)

Funky, just right for today's scene (disco crap)

Monster early Mecca tune (more disco crap)

Uptempo crossover mover (yet more disco crap. God, how many new ways can I find to describe this?)

You won't find a cleaner copy (you won't find a cleaner copy on my website. Not today, anyway).

One of her hardest to locate (I've just found half a dozen in Oxfam)

Monster tune from the days of Stafford (was this ever played anywhere? I can't remember)

Big inst version from back in the day (not quite as good as Joe 90)

Oh so soulful, will make you weep (when you play it and think what you could have spent the money on)

Getting plays, get it now before the price goes up (I've got thousands of these)

Great double-sider - two classic northern sides for the price of one (I've got thousands of these, as well)

Mint, slight storage warp (I've been eating crisps out of it)

Only VG, but plays great (sounds like someone has rubbed iron filings into it)

Dance floor winner (let's face it, you'll dance to anything when you're pissed)

Very few collectors own this one (I know, because I've broken into 25,000 bedrooms and gone through the collections)

In the right DJ's hands this will be a monster (ie the bloke who does the annual deaf club outings)

In the right DJ's hands this will be a monster (ie the bloke who does the annual deaf club outings)

This is the most commonly used one in my opinion , who is the right dj???

My most memorable/ unforgiveable experience was at Sheridans when some scary looking bloke as high as Kilimangaro made me go to the boot of his car and look at his sales...I've never come across such a load of tosh in all my life !!! Real bad disco , I was scared, felt embarrased to be there but the geezer really wanted a sale so I said I'll give you £2 for the Sister Sledge track he had.. I took it back in and proclaimed to my giggling friend that I'd bought him a rare one and that he could pay me whenever I can still see this guys face now ..in elation of having a sale

Another fave of my mine to wind up dealers is to ask them for obvious bad 80's soul but do it in a way so that you never mention the name of the artist to give the impression that it's a rare one ....backfired on me when I wanted the indemand Odyssey album , I was told the fack off and don't try that again by a prominent dealer - the boy who cried wolf springs to mind !!!

Edited September 30, 2005 by Richard Bergman

[davidwapples]

or some of the other classics

tape swappers fav - mid tempo rubbish

massive at the .......... - i'll say it was played somewhere miles away from you that you have never got a chance of going to

spun by ........... - ill make up a name or use a famous bloke that you will never meet

only copy i have - or likely to get cos its crap

vg+ - knackered

special price for you - cos no one else would ay this amount

its gone but i can get another copy - you can have it in a fortnight for more money

im sorry its gone - it was never here now buy some other crap from the list

and some others from my old rare soul forum post below

accross the board - excuse to play anything

forgotton oldie - it was that good no one can remember it

vg condition - its knackered

vg- condition - its totally knackered

dj so and so is pushing this tune - hes got a box full and wants to hype it up

local djs - promoters mates

oldies night - invented by djs who didnt want to buy any new records

ive just got a 2nd copy for sale - the first one didnt sell

it was on sellers list for £200 - and hes probably still got it

special offer price to you - its still the same price to everyone else but you phoned first

i could sell this on ebay for twice the price - i'll have to sell it abroad no one wants it here

this is worth £50 - well it would be in mint condition

second issue - bootleg

white label test pressing - bootleg

obscure - shite

classic - overplayed

written / produced by - its that bad i cant think of anything else to say

Stafford spin - an excuse to add a random comment to an oddball/unsaleable record

Wigan revival night - cash cow

Across the board - hammered out tripe across the eras

I could have sold this 20 times on the last list - a handful of people phoned up to ask 'whassat again?'

Blue Eyed Soul - four guys with a Farfisa organ and an upfront snare drum

Wigan Stomper - 60s techno

ever popular - overplayed

never had one of these for sale - never managed to sell one of these

from my own personal collection - an excuse to add £50 to the record

all the big DJs have this - an excuse to add £100 to the record

featuring original wigan DJs - an excuse to add £3 to the door

brass stabs - tuneless parps

handful of known copies - yeah, and I am looking at them as we have this phone conversation

this one's a packer - can't shift for twats

midtempo - stuff you dance to now that you are too fat to move to stompers

mega rarity - no one bought this when it came out cos its rubbish

unreleased mega rarity - even the bloke who made this thought its that sh*t it was not worth releasing

BACK TO DETROIT -........SOME MOTOWN

WE WOULD REALLY LIKE YOU TO DJ......SOMEONE DIDN'T TURN UP

[Geordiejohnson]

My most memorable/ unforgiveable experience was at Sheridans when some scary looking bloke as high as Kilimangaro made me go to the boot of his car and look at his sales...I've never come across such a load of tosh in all my life !!! Real bad disco , I was scared, felt embarrased to be there but the geezer really wanted a sale so I said I'll give you £2 for the Sister Sledge track he had.. I took it back in and proclaimed to my giggling friend that I'd bought him a rare one and that he could pay me whenever I can still see this guys face now ..in elation of having a sale

Ha Ha Richard so you met Dave Kilner then

Bloody hell dave always has a sack of tunes with him or in his car...however he has sold absolute gems for next to nothing over the years and hes not that scary he actually has a heart of gold.....but yes there is some shite in his boot.

Geeooooordie

[Guest remus]

another stab at an old favourite after a morning spent on ebay and dealer websites laughing at their sheer cheek

What they say What they mean

Monster tune from back in the day (pop crap, credibility added by use of the phrase 'back in the day')

Great blue-eyed favourite from Wigan (white pop crap)

Left-field production, so right for today's dancefloor (up-tempo, white garage crap from South Carolina)

Massive on the mod scene (weird crap for odd dancers with strange hair)

Funky, just right for today's scene (disco crap)

Monster early Mecca tune (more disco crap)

Uptempo crossover mover (yet more disco crap. God, how many new ways can I find to describe this?)

You won't find a cleaner copy (you won't find a cleaner copy on my website. Not today, anyway).

One of her hardest to locate (I've just found half a dozen in Oxfam)

Monster tune from the days of Stafford (was this ever played anywhere? I can't remember)

Big inst version from back in the day (not quite as good as Joe 90)

Oh so soulful, will make you weep (when you play it and think what you could have spent the money on)

Getting plays, get it now before the price goes up (I've got thousands of these)

Great double-sider - two classic northern sides for the price of one (I've got thousands of these, as well)

Mint, slight storage warp (I've been eating crisps out of it)

Only VG, but plays great (sounds like someone has rubbed iron filings into it)

Dance floor winner (let's face it, you'll dance to anything when you're pissed)

Very few collectors own this one (I know, because I've broken into 25,000 bedrooms and gone through the collections)

In the right DJ's hands this will be a monster (ie the bloke who does the annual deaf club outings)

Chris Andertons allways cracks me up describeing £20 records, "Big spins everywhere"

[Guest dundeedavie]

a lot of times "massive on the mod scene " means when you come to buy it in 3 months the northern scene will have taken the price up to £400 lol

Davie

[Guest]

Slight Warp..NAP......

In my case this means playing the record, then 2 minutes in, it glides straight into side B.

Edited October 3, 2005 by Brett

[Guest in town Mikey]

One day..mark my words.

A dealer (or his mate) will start a discussion on Soul Source, about a record.

And the following week, no matter what posters say, on their list it will have the tag:

Got the internet message boards buzzing!!

Are we our own worst enemies?

Andy BB, no need to worry about the funny hair line by Dan much longer mate. Yours was looking a little thin at the last 100 club

Edited October 3, 2005 by in town Mikey