Worst Record I've Ever Heard

[Pga1]

Hiya Robb, sail,sail and it's for sale!!!! It's one of those 'hmmm looks interesting, I'll buy it blind.' purchase made. Buying deaf should be recommended, cheers

[Robbk]

30 minutes ago, Pga1 said:

Hiya Robb, sail,sail and it's for sale!!!! It's one of those 'hmmm looks interesting, I'll buy it blind.' purchase made. Buying deaf should be recommended, cheers

I bought it in 1965, when it was out, in a thrift store for 10¢.  Little did I know that it was a "vanity, private press record", like Dora Hall's.  This guy kept "singing" and getting his records pressed up through the '70s.  His father must have been rich.  He had 16 45s and 3 LPs pressed up on his Fountain Records label.  The rare LPs are said to sell for over $1,000 (IF any owner is willing to part with them.  As horrible as "Sail, Sail" is, it's probably the best of all of his cuts.  I didn't want to risk being banned from this forum by posting one of the others.    Listening to his records makes one feel glad to have been born remotely normal, and in a downtime like the current pandemic and economic depression, it makes one realise that things could always be a good deal worse.

[Blackpoolsoul]

4 hours ago, Robbk said:

And well worth the wait!!!

Perhaps this LP should have been called "Look Mum, I Can't Sing"

Mrs Mills was so popular it's amazing although her voice sounded a little "horse"

Edited June 6, 2020 by Blackpoolsoul

[Thfcliam]

One I've never liked and everyone loves so probably will get some stick for it .I just can't stand it and turn it of straight away 

 

 

[Ficklefingers]

9 hours ago, Robbk said:

https://jerrysolomon.bandcamp.com/track/sail-sail

Clearly, you haven't heard "Sail, Sail" by Solomon!!!

Will you send €11, instead?

Listen to THIS!!!  - IF YOU DARE!!!  Click on the link at this post's very top, ABOVE the copy of the post to which I am referring.  Sorry for the weird positioning of the audio link:

That is BAD in the EXTREME !! 

[Smudger]

Lovers Concerto charted at #95 on Billboard Hot 100 in May 1966, and #13 on Adult Contemporary chart. B-side of "Downtown" which itself charted at #82 Hot 100, #9 AC and #56 UK. Mrs. Miller's version of the #2 Hot 100 hit by the Toys from 1965. Written by Sandy Linzer, Denny Randell & Johann Sebastian Bach.

[Ian Parker]

38 minutes ago, Thfcliam said:

One I've never liked and everyone loves so probably will get some stick for it .I just can't stand it and turn it of straight away 

 

 

i understand your thoughts on this.    my pet peeve, is 'I walked away' - Bobby Paris....   bloody awful

[Jules]

I`m not sure why I`m posting this as I think it is truly great disc, others may find it differt though 

 

 

[Robbk]

8 hours ago, jules said:

I`m not sure why I`m posting this as I think it is truly great disc, others may find it differt though 

 

 

Transfusion was a monster Pop hit in the late '50s.  I never listened to the White stations, but did hear it in Winnipeg, because Canadian radio was "lily White" back in the late '50s.  It's pretty bad and I always hated it.  But I can upload 50 songs 100 times worse than that (all by Jerry Solomon), whose absolutely best song, which I uploaded above, is a LOT worse than Nervous Norvus.  Mrs. Miller beats this one by a ton, too! 

Edited June 7, 2020 by Robbk

[Tobytyke]

19 hours ago, Ian Parker said:

i understand your thoughts on this.    my pet peeve, is 'I walked away' - Bobby Paris....   bloody awful

Two of my all time favourites! The Majestics and Bobby Parris

Edited June 7, 2020 by Tobytyke

[Headsy]

21 hours ago, Thfcliam said:

One I've never liked and everyone loves so probably will get some stick for it .I just can't stand it and turn it of straight away 

 

 

I detest this as well

[Leicester Boy]

21 hours ago, Ian Parker said:

i understand your thoughts on this.    my pet peeve, is 'I walked away' - Bobby Paris....   bloody awful

Wow.

[Stephen Houghton]

Mine is THE CHAMPION

the missus is, WADE IN THE WATER 

terrible

[Thfcliam]

2 hours ago, Headsy said:

I detest this as well

At least its not just me. 

[Billywhizz]

green door lol 

green door lol 

[Lionelonthevinyl]

Tim tam and the turn ons...wait a minute....I can't stand it....if posted already I'm sorry...Kind rsgards...Rob

Edited June 7, 2020 by Lionelonthevinyl

[Ian Parker]

Rob...  i remember hearing a DJ @  Nottm Palais,  introduce it as 'Frankie Valli & the Beach Boys' 

     seriously 

[Lionelonthevinyl]

3 minutes ago, Ian Parker said:

Rob...  i remember hearing a DJ @  Nottm Palais,  introduce it as 'Frankie Valli & the Beach Boys' 

     seriously 

Now that's a cover up combination Ian, brilliant!!!...why cover it, it's garbage!! Apologies to people who like it...I listened to it the other day to make sure of my dislike...yep, utter rubbish...Rob

[Marktsoulman]

Parisians Twinkle Little Star makes my blood curdle.... Although their follow up Ba Ba Black Sheep was not so bad....!

[Mal C]

Ted Wilson - I Can't Take no More, takes some beating. Such promise then that BUM note dreadful record. Flip is a better track...

Edited June 7, 2020 by Mal C

[The Yank]

This is what happens when you tell everyone you can't sing and a record company signs 

you anyway. Burt Ward was better known as Robin on the 60's "Batman" show - 

 

[Ian Parker]

thats so bad,   i found it riveting .   blimey 

[Stephen Houghton]

It's bad you know 

[Dobber]

1 hour ago, The Yank said:

This is what happens when you tell everyone you can't sing and a record company signs 

you anyway. Burt Ward was better known as Robin on the 60's "Batman" show - 

 

MGM fancied him,then soultown fancied him,they must here something we don’t! But he is f***in’ shit!

 

Edited June 7, 2020 by Dobber

[Robbk]

31 minutes ago, Dobber said:

MGM fancied him,then soultown fancied him,they must here something we don’t! But he is f***in’ shit!

 

Wow!!!  Bobby Sanders flipped out!!  Went mad!  He must have gone to the wrong drug party!!  I never knew that!  It's bloody awful, but nothing as bad as Jerry Solomon, Mrs. Miller, a few of Dora Hall's cuts, and even many Pop hits, like "Laugh At Me" by Sonny and Cher, or anywhere near as bad as his own MGM cut just above.

[Lionelonthevinyl]

These records were played at soul do,s....if yes???? there truly awful...Thank you...Rob

[The Yank]

Sorry- I must have missed the part about Soul do's just saw the "Worst Record I Ever Heard" part. 

[Geeselad]

 

this would have to be a contender for me. Many will disagree but let's be honest here: No discernable bass line, a shuffly, scratchy, rhythm, instruments sound like they're playing in different keys. Then there's the vocals, just reminds me of Vic and Bob doing, piss take, soul harmonies. The song in its self isn't too bad but it seems like there rushing to fit the lyrics into the arrangement. It's just shite and I'll be eternally grateful I traded my mint copy for an iffy copy of Terry callier' s look at me now. 

You're taking a collector's creative vision too far if you think this deserves playing out. Bought it blind at a record fair, when your your you think, erm, well maybe on big system, it's pretty rare, but no never! Just don't do it!  

[Robbk]

3 hours ago, The Yank said:

Sorry- I must have missed the part about Soul do's just saw the "Worst Record I Ever Heard" part. 

You didn't miss anything, at least on the original poster's post regarding the rules.  He said nothing about having only songs played by DJs at NS do's.  It's just "The Worst Record I Ever Heard".

[Mal C]

9 hours ago, Geeselad said:

 

this would have to be a contender for me. Many will disagree but let's be honest here: No discernable bass line, a shuffly, scratchy, rhythm, instruments sound like they're playing in different keys. Then there's the vocals, just reminds me of Vic and Bob doing, piss take, soul harmonies. The song in its self isn't too bad but it seems like there rushing to fit the lyrics into the arrangement. It's just shite and I'll be eternally grateful I traded my mint copy for an iffy copy of Terry callier' s look at me now. 

You're taking a collector's creative vision too far if you think this deserves playing out. Bought it blind at a record fair, when your your you think, erm, well maybe on big system, it's pretty rare, but no never! Just don't do it!  

I think it's one of those that doesn't immediately hurt your ears, granted its awful but nothing on this thread has yet to beat Burt Ward....

or so we thought

[Jules]

On 06/06/2020 at 20:36, Robbk said:

Transfusion was a monster Pop hit in the late '50s.  I never listened to the White stations, but did hear it in Winnipeg, because Canadian radio was "lily White" back in the late '50s.  It's pretty bad and I always hated it.  But I can upload 50 songs 100 times worse than that (all by Jerry Solomon), whose absolutely best song, which I uploaded above, is a LOT worse than Nervous Norvus.  Mrs. Miller beats this one by a ton, too! 

pk I agree with you that there are many worse recordings, but for lyrics !!!!!! you would have to go a long way to beat this...pop the fluey in me huey !, slip the blood to me bud, shoot the juice to me bruce., pour the crimson in me jimson....need I go on ?

[Robbk]

17 minutes ago, jules said:

pk I agree with you that there are many worse recordings, but for lyrics !!!!!! you would have to go a long way to beat this...pop the fluey in me huey !, slip the blood to me bud, shoot the juice to me bruce., pour the crimson in me jimson....need I go on ?

Can't argue with that.  But I'd rather hear that type of lyrics in records playing music and singing I like, to go along with them - such as swing tinged Jump Blues (Louis Jordan and his Tympany Five), and early '50s R&B (Flamingos on Chance and Parrot/Swallows on King/Five Royales on Apollo, etc.).

[Tomangoes]

As a 16 year old lad, I had a traumatic experience when I started work.

It wasn't the daunting transition from school to pit, or the 6am starts, or the taking shit off everybody older than me.

No it was being given a copy of this and told to listen to it.

The pain...

Ed

[Joesoap]

Does this qualify?

Jack Warner gives advice to his mod son whose bird, 'just doesn't want to know' in his son's 'own language'. (Extra NS points for being entitled, 'You've Got The Gear'). 

I mean, it's terrible but I think it's absolutely hilarious and would love to find a copy...

 

Edited June 10, 2020 by Joesoap

[Chatty]

If you ever have the misfortune to be stuck in a lift and this comes on get Scotty to beam you up!

[Tomangoes]

Yikes...was he on LSD?

Ed

[Robbk]

3 hours ago, chatty said:

If you ever have the misfortune to be stuck in a lift and this comes on get Scotty to beam you up!

Not one of our better Canadian singers! 

[Leicester Boy]

Charity brown and rain.

[Stephen Houghton]

Try and hear, WINK MARTINGDALE, DECK OF CARDS 

or DONOVON, THE INTERGALACTIC LAXATIVE, checkout the chorus 

Terrible 

[Jkpnefc]

On 06/06/2020 at 09:29, Blackpoolsoul said:

Perhaps this LP should have been called "Look Mum, I Can't Sing"

Mrs Mills was so popular it's amazing although her voice sounded a little "horse"

Different woman...Mrs Mills played the piano....Mrs Miller sang......allegedly!

[Thfcliam]

14 hours ago, Joesoap said:

Does this qualify?

Jack Warner gives advice to his mod son whose bird, 'just doesn't want to know' in his son's 'own language'. (Extra NS points for being entitled, 'You've Got The Gear'). 

I mean, it's terrible but I think it's absolutely hilarious and would love to find a copy...

 

What the hell is that ?

[Timillustrator]

Truly the worst record I have ever heard is a sort of concept album called John Gavanti. It's nothing whatsoever to do with soul but since most of the ones above aren't either I thought I'd share my story of crushing disappointment. 

It was recorded in 1980 by members of two No Wave bands - for those who don't know No Wave was a very atonal form of music, short lived and originating in New York, some elements of it came from funk (The Contortions) and jazz (The Lounge Lizards) but it was mostly an atonal sort of parallel to punk but way less successful and very few people seemed to have heard of it. It was influential on other US bands and the occasional British artist and is better known today but still a very minority taste. Most people who are not fans find it hard going and tuneless, which it certainly is.

I was a massive No Wave fan in the 80's but most of it was extremely hard to come by, I was a persistent collector though and got most of the releases by the main 4 bands - DNA, Mars, Contortions, and Teenage Jesus and the Jerks as well as a large number of offshoots and lesser known artists. The one record that eluded me was this, it was a collaboration of members of Mars and DNA (who were my two favourites anyway) it was listed in a few catalogues but was never available. It was quickly deleted and at that time there was little in the way of mail-order for this type of music.

I'd read about it and, in my mind, and like many things you've never heard; it was built up to this amazing work of atonal genius, it's apparently based on Mozart's Don Giovanni and for years I just imagined it was the greatest unheard masterpiece of all time but resigned myself to the fact that I'd probably never get a copy. 

So imagine my excitement when in 1998 it was reissued on CD, even getting that was tricky but I did get a copy in about 2002. When it arrived I was shaking with excitement, finally I owned a copy of the greatest unknown album of all time. 

Sitting down and putting on the CD I could hardly contain myself and then it started. . .  

It is TOTAL sh*te, the best way to describe it is like a very bad school orchestra, none of whom can play and they're all drunk. It's truly the most amateurish mess ever, even down to the desperate cover art. I was horrified and couldn't sit through it. I managed to play it all the way through a couple of years later, it was no better. Still own it though, I would never let that baby go, it took me nearly 20 years to get a copy!

I don't recommend you bother listening to it.

 

Edited June 10, 2020 by Timillustrator

[The Yank]

16 hours ago, Tomangoes said:

Yikes...was he on LSD?

Ed

  His version of "Mr. Tambourine Man" sounds like he could have been - 

 

 

[Robbk]

4 hours ago, The Yank said:

  His version of "Mr. Tambourine Man" sounds like he could have been - 

 

 

 Isn't it bad enough to be trying to fight off a pandemic.  Do we need to deal with drek like this, too???

As Mill Evans (Edwards) once sang, "Why? Why? Why?"

[Pga1]

Hiya Tim, oh dear. The build up, the aquasition, the crushing disappointment. It's fantastic in a really bad way. The intro sounds like someone on the bog after a dodgy curry and fifteen pints of crap lager. Made me smile this morning, cheers

[The Yank]

13 hours ago, Robbk said:

 Isn't it bad enough to be trying to fight off a pandemic.  Do we need to deal with drek like this, too???

As Mill Evans (Edwards) once sang, "Why? Why? Why?"

 Sorry Robb! Don't know what I was thinking. Maybe this will cheer you up -

Jerry Mathers with the Jimmie Haskell Orchestra - 

 

[Geeselad]

21 hours ago, Timillustrator said:

Truly the worst record I have ever heard is a sort of concept album called John Gavanti. It's nothing whatsoever to do with soul but since most of the ones above aren't either I thought I'd share my story of crushing disappointment. 

It was recorded in 1980 by members of two No Wave bands - for those who don't know No Wave was a very atonal form of music, short lived and originating in New York, some elements of it came from funk (The Contortions) and jazz (The Lounge Lizards) but it was mostly an atonal sort of parallel to punk but way less successful and very few people seemed to have heard of it. It was influential on other US bands and the occasional British artist and is better known today but still a very minority taste. Most people who are not fans find it hard going and tuneless, which it certainly is.

I was a massive No Wave fan in the 80's but most of it was extremely hard to come by, I was a persistent collector though and got most of the releases by the main 4 bands - DNA, Mars, Contortions, and Teenage Jesus and the Jerks as well as a large number of offshoots and lesser known artists. The one record that eluded me was this, it was a collaboration of members of Mars and DNA (who were my two favourites anyway) it was listed in a few catalogues but was never available. It was quickly deleted and at that time there was little in the way of mail-order for this type of music.

I'd read about it and, in my mind, and like many things you've never heard; it was built up to this amazing work of atonal genius, it's apparently based on Mozart's Don Giovanni and for years I just imagined it was the greatest unheard masterpiece of all time but resigned myself to the fact that I'd probably never get a copy. 

So imagine my excitement when in 1998 it was reissued on CD, even getting that was tricky but I did get a copy in about 2002. When it arrived I was shaking with excitement, finally I owned a copy of the greatest unknown album of all time. 

Sitting down and putting on the CD I could hardly contain myself and then it started. . .  

It is TOTAL sh*te, the best way to describe it is like a very bad school orchestra, none of whom can play and they're all drunk. It's truly the most amateurish mess ever, even down to the desperate cover art. I was horrified and couldn't sit through it. I managed to play it all the way through a couple of years later, it was no better. Still own it though, I would never let that baby go, it took me nearly 20 years to get a copy!

I don't recommend you bother listening to it.

 

Ffs, that's total utter crap. Love it when the singing kicks in, he's does indeed sound drunk, they all do. 

[Tomangoes]

Childhood nightmares....I was put off shades for years..

Ed

 

[Robbk]

1 hour ago, The Yank said:

 Sorry Robb! Don't know what I was thinking. Maybe this will cheer you up -

Jerry Mathers with the Jimmie Haskell Orchestra - 

 

Wow!!  It's even worse than I remembered!!!  Jerry Mathers had a great career awaiting him in Soul music!  Maybe they should have formed a harmony group of Jerry Mathers, Burt Ward, Jerry Solomon, William Shatner and Mrs. Miller? (one female singer) - like The Platters.  Might have been interesting. 

[Alice Clark]

When I first saw this thread 1 record immediately sprung to mind but I was afraid to post it. Anyway, it’s Friday night and I am happy. If you know what I mean, so here goes. 
Donna Summer. The hostage. Just my personal opinion.