Cracking Read For Record Collectors

[Godzilla]

I know we usually do book stuff in freebasing but I though this one was appropriate to the Records bit of the forum. Just bought yesterday and while not really soul music related should be really entertaining to any who has ever frequented independent record shops. Loads of funny anecdotes. Available in all good record shops. Bought mine from one the last ones here in Scarborough of course

Here's an excerpt:

The World's Worst Record Shop

It took me all of ten seconds to select the shop to which I can grant the accolade "The Worst" of all the hundreds I have known:

One day, whilst working in Bolton, I stumbled upon a shop I had never seen before, called 'Sounds'. I popped in and introduced myself to the owner a seventeen-year-old called Craig. He informed me that he had recently left school and that his Dad had asked him what he wanted to do with his life. When Craig told him that he would like to run his own record shop, his father, obligingly, stumped up the funds.

A succession of customers then interrupted our chat. The ensuing conversations illustrated both Craig's business acumen and his aptitude for customer care:

Customer: "My stylus seems to be faulty as all my records are jumping".

Craig: "Bring it in and I will have a look at it for you".

Customer: "I have it with me. I think it's bent".

Craig spent the next two (interminable) minutes holding the stylus up to the light before confirming that it was bent and handing it back to the customer.

Customer: "Do you have one in stock?''

Craig: "No".

Customer: "Can you order one for me?"

Craig: "Sorry, mate. This is a record shop; not a hi-fi dealer".

The disgruntled customer left, whilst I quietly explained to Craig that adequate record shops stocked basics, like styli.

Another customer came in and asked Craig if he had anything by the Halle Orchestra (As the Halle is Britain's longest-established symphony orchestra and is based in Manchester, a mere 10 miles from Bolton, you would have expected Craig to be aware of it).

"Of course I have, mate" Craig responded, as he plonked a copy of Bill Haley's Greatest Hits on the counter.

The classical customer looked at Craig in disgust. I was not sure if it was due to a dislike of being called "mate" or to Craig's ignorance of the Halle Orchestra. "It is the Halle I am after"' the customer insisted.

"I think you will find that it is pronounced 'Haley'", replied Craig, knowingly.

Shaking his head, the customer started to make his way out of the shop. In a last desperate attempt to procure a sale, Craig started to read out the track-listing from the Bill Haley CD, "Hey mate, all the hits are on this - 'Rock Around The Clock'; 'See You Later, Alligator'..." But, to no avail - the customer had gone.

I thought I had never met such a magnificently useless record storeowner... until things got worse...

The next unfortunate customer came in and purchased a CD for £3.99. Craig took the proffered £5, but then shut the till without giving any change. When the customer pointed out the omission, Craig, for some reason, could not get his till to open. A full 10 minutes elapsed with Craig pressing every combination of buttons on the till in an attempt to open it.

When he was reduced to trying to force it open with a screwdriver, the customer called him "an idiot" - to which Craig responded, "Tell you what, mate - why don't you try and f***ing open it?''

To calm the situation I gave the customer his £1.01 from my own pocket and told Craig to repay the money when he got the till open.

Sadly that time never came. Half an hour later, the till was still shut. I promised Craig I would call on him the next time I was in the area - I had spent more than an hour with a customer and had achieved sales worth minus £1.01, but the comedy value had been worth every penny.

Predictably, when I next checked out the store, it had closed.

...Maybe Craig never did get that damn till open.

Edited April 26, 2009 by Godzilla

[Godzilla]

Stuck in wrong section anyway

[Glynthornhill]

Classic story. Has this book been in circulation long do you know ?

What ' s the publication year - thanks

[Guest Beeks]

Haha this looks great...will have to find myself a copy

[Godzilla]

Classic story. Has this book been in circulation long do you know ?

What ' s the publication year - thanks

I think it only came out in April this year Glyn.

It would be a good read even if you weren't interested in record shops - Graham Jones comes across a naturally funny writer. Can't recommend this enough

[De-to]

must also get a copy sounds pretty good about £8 ish,heres a link,

https://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R2E0V84VS6AR3S

[Godzilla]

must also get a copy sounds pretty good about £8 ish,heres a link,

https://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R2E0V84VS6AR3S

Fair enough, but I think in the spirit of the thing people should try to buy from indie record shops so that they make their couple of quid mark-up from it. They even suggest that on the publishers site. The list of shops that have disappeared between the author deciding to write the book and it's publication was what swung it for me. It's over four pages worth

[soulsalmon]

Fair enough, but I think in the spirit of the thing people should try to buy from indie record shops so that they make their couple of quid mark-up from it. They even suggest that on the publishers site. The list of shops that have disappeared between the author deciding to write the book and it's publication was what swung it for me. It's over four pages worth

Dave Evison gets a mention(not a very good one though)

[Diggin' Dave]

Great tip mate Won't be able to go to any parties till june so I could use stuff like this to keep me busy.

[Godzilla]

I was on the train with my ipod on, reading this book when I read about a woman returning a Captain Kangaroo CD - because it jumped!

I think the rest of my carriage thought I'd gone a bit nuts

[paultp]

I wonder if anyone ever did a photographic study of record shops - UK or US - they all seem to be closing an it would be good to know that there was some record of them.

Can't beat going through stacks of records.

[Quinvy]

Sounds brilliant, thanks, I'm going to get a copy.

[Guest WPaulVanDyk]

what a funny story and would love to get a copy of this book

[Guest]

what a funny story and would love to get a copy of this book

Why not contact the author vias his e mail and buy direct from him - he's a good bloke so miss out the middle man and don't buy from Amazon etc at discounted prices!!

[Shsdave]

Why not contact the author vias his e mail and buy direct from him - he's a good bloke so miss out the middle man and don't buy from Amazon etc at discounted prices!!

Good idea Mr Chip, does anyone have an email address of author ?

[Godzilla]

Good idea Mr Chip, does anyone have an email address of author ?

Without meaning to sound like a stuck record here (pun partly intended) it's published by the author's music distribution company. And if you go to their website it tells you to buy the book from your local indie record shop. That's the whole point!