Trifles Blog from 2005

You Learn Sumfing New Everyday

Posted by Trifle, 24 November 2005 ·

One Saturday at Rugby Soul Club, I learned that Young Matt Smart (and I mean young ... especially amongst the old fogies of the Soul Scene) is one helluva DJ. Smooth linking, wonderful new stuff (to me) and stuff that I hear all too seldom, including If This Isn't Love by Johnny Bartell(?).

He tells me (Matt, not Johnny) he's been on the scene for erm 8 years I think, (aw bless (don't you just hate that expression?! ) he musta been a strip of a lad back then). I hope I didn't scare him with my Smirnoff-fuelled rantings about what a great set he'd played. And I was not the only one thanking/complimenting him.

Anyway, the message to all you promoters out there is .... Get Smart.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch ........T'other day I learnt that, as you get older, your hair-down-there falls out!!!

I did NOT learn this from experience I might add ... but from "Grumpy Old Women" - a highly humorous yet somewhat depressing TV programme confirming what happens as the female of the species gets older. Soul ladies in their 30s and younger, take action... before the sands of your hourglass figure fall... remember your anti-wrinkle night creams, 5 portions a day, 30 minutes heart rate-increasing exercise (is that per day or per week?).

Anyhoo, there's a silver lining in most clouds, this one being no more painful razor cuts or ripping your fanny off with strips covered in hot wax.... In fact, who on earth first decided that would be a good idea? My mother used to berate me for sticking my fingers in the hot wax that pooled at the top of a lit candle, as I marvelled at it quickly solidifying in a thin layer on my fingertip ... but she never warned of the pain involved in sticking it on and ripping it off me private bits!

So .... What did YOU learn today?

Getting Nowhere Fast (floyd Smith)

Posted by , 15 August 2005 ·

In some European countries, they drive a lot slower than we do in this one.

Norway, for example, has an average speed of about 80kmph (50mph) on their motorways. I think this creates a certain calm. Whilst riding there on my recent expedition, not once did I feel badgered or intimidated by other drivers. Another advantage of having to go slower was that it gave me time to take in the breathtaking scenery ........ but I tangent.

I reckon, over here, everyone's in such a hurry, we feel we have to keep up.

Por example ... Twat driving 2 inches from your rear bumper = stress. And it aint a nice feeling, so oftentimes we speed up to accommodate said twat, eventually pulling over to allow twat to pass.

Possible solutions:

Move to slower-paced European Country.

Move to even slower-paced Caribbean Country (ah, yes mon!)

Change staple diet to incorporate as much Cadbury's Caramel as possible.

Drive slower and chant mantras very loudly when hassled by Twats, pretending to be oblivious to any vehicular activity that might cause the onset of the dreaded red mist. :

Build a Twat Repulsion device as per yer commonorgarden Bond movie, eg oil slick jets at rear of vehicle, or maybe sharp coconut knife implements on hub area of wheel which extend at the press of a button, slashing Twat's tyres as he passes probably too closely to prove a point.

Become sandwich board lady conveying message "Speeding is bad for your soul"..........

(Well, it had to bear relevance to our beloved cult somewhere along the line).

We Have Reason To Believe U Av Bin ....

Posted by Trifle, 14 October 2005 ·

It's time .... Tick tock tick tock bong!!!! ..... for another blog. And why not? I ask myself. I don't know ... I respond. And then we chew the cud and catch up about stuff.

Anyroadup, I was tinkin de udder day ..... as one does.... There's a fair few folk newish to the scene. Not sure what constitutes newish as it's not listed on dictionary.com, but I would hazard ... less than 3 years??

I was wondering whether any of these newish people liked The Snake when they first aheard it (or any other record often sneered at by those longer in the tooth). And whether, to their dismay, the newish people discovered that said track is in fact taboo in the Strange World of Northern Soul.

On further analysis, I decided it might be a good idea for someone to compile a definitive list of all unacceptable soul records. This could then be added to as and when something becomes overplayed. The list should be issued to all DJs (especially newish ones) with penalty of ridicule and possible arrestation by the soul police if caught exposing members of the soul public to any of the sounds on the list.

Sorted! No more embarrassing situations and .......... the final demise of The Snake (except on the scooter scene, but one thing at a time).

Road Blog

Posted by , 11 July 2005 ·

Sometimey, I find that Northern Souling does not satisfy all of my multiple personalities, in particular Miss Lou Nattik - the child within. The Soul Scene can be a tad rectal in my not so fkin humble opinion.

I therefore look to the Scootering Scene to provide a very down to earth alternative, which it indeed does..... sometimes perhaps a little too earthy .... But I digress...

The most enjoyable part of the scootering experience for me is the actual riding of a two-wheeled vehicule. Even moreso if I have an interesting destination and no time limits or restrictions to my journey. Even moreso moreso with Soul filtering into the sensory organs at either side of my head whilst I ride.

So, in less than three revolutions of our calendar knowed as "weeks", I will be setting off on an indelible journey of mind body and soul (I would call it incredible, but I aint done it yet). A millennium of miles on a machine that does no more than 73mph - wind-assisted.

Note to self... invest in an MP3 player ... A CD player stuffed in the glove box of a bone shaker scooter causes scratching and flaring - something best left to the Hip Hop Dudes methinx.

If this area is blogless thereafter ... please look out for me on the Danish slave trade networks... those of you that frequent such sites .....

Grimsblog - Saturday 25 June

Posted by , 29 June 2005 ·

Spent the weekend in sunny Cleethorpes ... yes, I know I was two weeks late, but hey...

This was probably better anyway...

A Barbeee with a big old B. Hosted by the Amazin Ady & his imaginary scooter and Kaz the Birthday Queen of Clean.

This is my personal thanks to: them, Darren the gentleman, and the rest of the Cleethorpes/Grimsby bunch for making me feel so welcome.

The night was full of RnB, patio dancing, Vodka Jelly that tasted like nutmeg, and forced intake of shots made up of anything within reach (including some bbq lighter fluid I think). The humour was constant and, despite the blood alcohol levels, the conversation was interesting.

Some couldn't take the pace and had to be car(l)ted off home.

NickNick B had to leave just as things were warming up, but returned later when things were cooling down, only to warm things up again, including his tongue (after attempting to eat Ady's Monster Madras).

Thanks again and hope to see you all at Wilton in July.

(note to self .... If offered, do not, repeat, DO NOT, eat doughnuts at Kaz n Ady's )

Pics in the Gallery. Sorry.....

Blogged Up Nasal Passages

Posted by , 12 June 2005 ·

Ramblings at the end of a grey, yet spiritual day....

Wiesmann Roadster (as seen on Top Gear and pronounced Veeeesman, Jeremy, NOT Viceman).

I WANT ONE!!!!

(note to self... find rich, benevolent (and handsome) boyfriend (who is also interesting and far too fat to fit into a Wiesmann Roadster)).

Failing that, maybe the new Batmobile would suffice.

Sufferers of allergic rhinitis should not ride scooters.

Soul is weekend escapism (for me). If too long goes by without it, reality becomes reality!! 'Too long' being one weekend (for me...).

Time does not exist, yet it passes more quickly when you don't want it to .... Like at weekends.

Everything is constantly changing ...... sometimes for the better .........

And remember .......

Blogmornin 6 June In The Year Of Lord Vader 2005

Posted by , 06 June 2005

As I sit here idly awaiting delivery of my new oven (hurrarrr, we shall never go hungry again!), I find myself musing on my involvement with music in the past, present and future.

I started guitar lessons when I was young(er), but gave them up because I couldn't play like George Benson after a whole 4 lessons! With that in mind, I recently signed the boy up for piano/keyboard lessons, which he starts today. Penalty of giving up......... A threat far worse than Chinese torture or death by a thousand cuts...... no more TV ... forever and ever amen.

Although he loves soul, blues and other such admirable genres, he also has a predilection for rap (peer pressure maybe ). He and his good buddies have been putting together some rap tunes (although I've been told not to call them "tunes"). My boy does the lyrics and, bias aside, I have to say, they are damn good.

I sneaked a peek at a rap he has saved on our PC. It is called "Just a Kid". I was shocked at the depth of the ideas therein (he is only 11). I was also shocked at the fact that there are swear words in it and the mention of sex!

What is the point in me not allowing him to watch Certificate 15 films!!!!

Guess that'll teach me not to be nosey....

"Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul" .... (Henry David Thoreau)

Bloghour 23:31 Friday 3 June Or Thereabouts

Posted by , 03 June 2005 ·

I never watch tele, but when I do, all's is on is something I've already bloody well seen! Last night, I ended up somehow re-riveted to "Under Siege" with Steven Segal. Actually, I'd best explain... I was not WATCHING the film WITH Steven..... he was IN it. (He does pop round for a cheesy homlet n a chinwag now and again, but this was not one of those occasions ).

Anywayz, much to my dismay ....... towards the end of the film....... After a big punch-up using sharp coconut knives and impressive martial arty moves, Steve sticks the evil villain (Tommy Lee Jones)'s head through a screen and says ......... "Keep The Faith".

This is a blatant misrepresentation of our deep and meaningful, if slightly overplayed, catchphrase. I have therefore written to the Producers of the flim to ask them to edit/overwrite the line accordingly for future broadcasts. Thought maybe he could instead say ... erm.... Something like "I got MY mojo working" or "In your face" or some other more appropriate idiom.

Speaking of overplayed things (notice smooth(ish) link ) ..........I have recently become concerned that, if I listen to my favourite tracks too often they may become as tedious, nay, infuriating as the Crazy Frog theme. I have thus removed all favourite listening material from my automobile/portable listening device/stereogram.

Blogdate Sunday Afternoon - 22 May

Posted by , 22 May 2005 ·

Observations of the day.............

Do not answer the fone too early on a Sunday morning as it may be pissed or mad or mad pissed people who have not yet been to bed, who are foning for help in finding their way around the soul source website.

Fresh coconut is delicious, but it is dangerous to try to poke it out of the shell with a very sharp long knife, especially as skin and flesh are prone to tear when stabbed with such an implement.

When your oven is broken, preventing you from having the traditional slapthigh Sunday Roast, a new one will not magically appear on the doorstep. (I stumbled across this amazing discovery this after 4 weeks and 2 days of waiting.)

If your Things To Do Today list does not include:

* re-size photos from Friday's outing;

* think up appropriate titles for said fotos;

* upload fotos to Soul Source website

....then these tasks should be delayed to a more convenient time, in favour of eating, sleeping, ordering ovens, or writing To Do lists.

Paraskevidekatriaphobia: Fear Of Friday The 13th

Posted by , 13 May 2005 ·

I very rarely watch TV, and I never watch the news. But when I do, I always remind myself never to watch it again. Ever.

Doom, gloom, and destruction with a touch of sensationalism.

Could not believe the story about the kids who video their mates hitting people who are on their mobile phones in public????

Was chatting to a friend today (yes, I have one) who's 16 year old son is getting out of control - think it was a slippery slope after he bought his first hooooodie - anyway, we agreed that they should bring back some form of national service for young offenders.

I'd happily be one of the "teachers".

On a lighter note, during my brief sampling of the couch potato lifestyle, I noticed Friends has finished yet Eastenders is still running. So, looks like the nation prefers doom and gloom to palatable-watch-with-your-mouth-slightly-ajar-breathing-through-your-nose sitcoms.

Blogdate 11 May .... Here Comes The Sun

Posted by , 11 May 2005 ·

Where the fk is the warm weather?

I am thick thick thick up to here (always hated Freddie Parrot, yet I am quoting him ) of the chill winds and the rain and the cloudy skies we are currently experiencing.

My folks live in Florida, and people always say... "Are you mad? What are you doing living in this country?" (sometimes both in the same sentence).

Of course the weather is great there (if a tad warm ), but that's where it ends unfortunately. I don't do Garth Brooks (or is it Crooks? I always get them two mixed up ), nor do I do chewing tobbaca, check shirts, or Jodie Foster in Silence of the Lambs accents.

Mate at work today found a lastminutegiveortakeaweek.com holiday to Egypt for £399 all in. 23 degrees. Lucky git.

Best I can do this month is camping at Skeggy at the end of the month. But that's fine, cos by then the weather here will be the same as it is in Egypt. Won't it?

Blogdate 10 May .... Another Day Older

Posted by , 10 May 2005 ·

I looked at my hands today, and noticed that they looked really really old ... I have decided to look on ebay for a new pair.

Then I got to thinking ........... I wonder what soul DOs will be like in 15 years time? I'll still be there .... even after the unavoidable hip and knee replacements .... necessary due to years of ballistic northern soul dancing in rubber-soled footwear. In fact, I am hoping that, by then, they will have invented bionic body parts so that I can still dance to the uptempo stuff.

I pontificated on what the modern music of the day would be. And what would be being played in the "Modern" room at a Soul Do.

How many people under 35 would be turning up? ..... to dance rather than to wipe foamy drool and green sputum from their parents' chins.

I envisaged my son as a first class northern soul DJ, but with all the vinyl being worn out by then, CDs would be accepted ..... which is good, cos he will be having to support me in my later years and therefore wont have any spare cash to spend on antiques.

Blogdate 9 May In The Year 2005

Posted by , 09 May 2005 ·

The decision was made .... rather than talk to myself out loud incessantly, I will create a blog and write to myself therein in in instead. To outsiders it will look like I am working, then hopefully my son won't fear for my sanity and it would therefore be less likely that he would have me committed when he is old enough to do so ......... which is nice.